Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
