those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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