We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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