not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
