3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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