too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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