Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
