she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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