i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
