So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
