Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
