wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
