I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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