It's Friday. Sex?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
