Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
