I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
