he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize