It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
