PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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