he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
