She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
