Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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