I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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