I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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