All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
