We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
