We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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