I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
