Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
