I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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