I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
