pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
