hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
