I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
