You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
