Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
