things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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