I hope mine doesn't look like that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
