"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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