why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
