I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
