in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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