Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
