i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
