I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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