Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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