there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
