you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
