Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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