Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
