i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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