I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
