I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
