Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
