he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
