I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
