The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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