I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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