We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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