ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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