god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
