I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
