so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
