How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
