Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
