I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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