bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
