he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
