I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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