just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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