Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
