I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
