Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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